I’ve always been told that I am gifted, naturally talented, smart, "you’re going to do great things", etc, etc, etc. Do you know how much of a curse that is! Maybe it’s not, but the problem starts when you believe it.

It’s a fucking curse. Telling a child, man or regular, he is going to be great. Then that child, regular at the time, believes what he has been told, grows up, watches and internalises all of these Hollywood hyper individualistic heroes, doing their thing and the good guy wins. He starts to see himself as a chosen one.

I don’t really blame movies, but they do or can create some level of expectation of life. Yes, I know movies are not real life. But they do make an impression. Why do you think the US Military and CIA sponsor films? Life imitates art. I’ve always wondered if Barack Obama would have been president if 24, the series, wasn't so successful and didn’t socialise the idea of having a black president. I think no.

Anyways, combine those expectations with the saying, "do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life" and you get me. I’ve been extremely lucky in that I’ve enjoyed everything I have done in my life so far. So… it feels like everything I’ve achieved has come easy, and just fell into my lap without any work. Admittedly I’ve really only had one goal, which was to get my name in the credits of a videogame. The rest of my life was on rails and it was/is a pretty good life and most choices were made for me... mostly by me not making any choices.

So… why am I complaining?! Well because when you’re 45 and this is the first time you start struggling, and you have a goal which actually requires work and focus, and the only tool in your toolbox is being gifted and things just work out automatically. It’s frustrating when then don’t. And then, realising you might need to rely on other people… absolutely TERRIFYING!

Let’s end today’s post on the emotion of fear.

I wish you a fearsome week!!