I’ve always been told that I am gifted, naturally talented, smart, "you’re going to do great things", etc, etc, etc. Do you know how much of a curse that is! Maybe it’s not, but the problem starts when you believe it.

It’s a fucking curse. Telling a child, man or regular, he is going to be great. Then that child, regular at the time, believes what he has been told, grows up, watches and internalises all of these Hollywood hyper individualistic heroes, doing their thing and the good guy wins. He starts to see himself as a chosen one.

I don’t really blame movies, but they do or can create some level of expectation of life. Yes, I know movies are not real life. But they do make an impression. Why do you think the US Military and CIA sponsor films? Life imitates art. I’ve always wondered if Barack Obama would have been president if 24, the series, wasn't so successful and didn’t socialise the idea of having a black president. I think no.

Anyways, combine those expectations with the saying, "do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life" and you get me. I’ve been extremely lucky in that I’ve enjoyed everything I have done in my life so far. So… it feels like everything I’ve achieved has come easy, and just fell into my lap without any work. Admittedly I’ve really only had one goal, which was to get my name in the credits of a videogame. The rest of my life was on rails and it was/is a pretty good life and most choices were made for me... mostly by me not making any choices.

So… why am I complaining?! Well because when you’re 45 and this is the first time you start struggling, and you have a goal which actually requires work and focus, and the only tool in your toolbox is being gifted and things just work out automatically. It’s frustrating when then don’t. And then, realising you might need to rely on other people… absolutely TERRIFYING!

Let’s end today’s post on the emotion of fear.

I wish you a fearsome week!!

... another excuse for no post. But I will say, as always, thank you for reading. You are most appreciated.

Have a good week.

It sure is hot out there! I guess to those in the southern hemisphere not so much. So to clarify, It sure hot out there in the northern hemisphere and near the equator and near fires, lava, on stoves, inside ovens, potentially other places too.

Anyways... I’m not really a fan of today’s comic. It seemed funnier as a script and in my head. I don’t think I captured the idea that SP was walking around hallucinating due to the heat. It’s also difficult being lazy. The final panel should be a lot more manic and SP should be in the middle of an intersection. In my head I pictured that iconic crossroads in Tokyo that they use in all the movies and anime. But then I am also lazy and I’d have to draw all that detail and I don’t quite have the time to do that level. I am also getting a bit "bored" with greyscale. I really liked it before, but every time I add a pastel colour as the background to see what I’ve coloured and what I haven’t, it brings the comic to life so much more for me. Also there was a moment during colouring one of the previous comics when Hat Snail had a pink hat that I really liked.

The whole point of this comic is for me is one, to see what I can do if I take it seriously, and b, to enjoy it while doing it, and another point, I am doing it for myself. Did I just change my list from numbers to letters? Yes, not intentionally initially, but I left it in deliberately because there are no rules, in life but more specifically in the context of this blog post, this comic. And I have to try remember that. I bring that up because I’ve reserved the use of colour for alternate realities. For example thought, or imagining, or flashbacks or television, etc. I just liked the concept that imagination can be more interesting and compelling than real life. I‘ve just realised why colouring the TV felt a little wrong to me, it didn’t fit somehow, also I didn’t quite stick to this because I got lazy a few times. Anyway.. But now, everytime, I "desaturate", the comic feels dead. Aside: If you’ve not watched any of my timelapses on instagram, I don’t actually colour and desaturate. I use colour in my grey scaling process to highlight what I missed because it can be easy to miss and not colour some of the finer details.

So basically, what I am saying is, I might just start adding more colour to my comics because I want to. NO RULES [FEMALE DOG]!! (Another thing I am thinking about is swearing on here and the comic)

The final point in my list above is also important. (I am doing it for myself). I might elaborate on that in another post.

Also to elaborate on "laziness". It feels like laziness but it’s not. This doesn’t make me any money. I have to do stuff that does make me money. I have to balance my time on the comic vs life. So by lazy I actually mean busy doing other things. If the comic were a full time thing I would have probably rewritten this one and done a compeletly new one but I didn't have time and just had to go with it.

Anyways… it's hot out there. Look after yourselves and have a good week! Thank you for reading!

I don't a post today. I was struggling to put anything to paper. That's not true really. I probably could have done it if I had just sat down and did it but I didn't. But I did want to say again thank you for reading, I appreciate you.

I hope you have a lovely week.

It was my birthday this week. I normally hate and despise my birthday. Last year, I booked a holiday to Portugal to get away from everyone so I didn’t have to do anything for it. This year I did no such thing. I liked that and it’s a good tactic but I didn’t repeat the "tradition" and didn’t do anything this year. If you do something only once can it be a tradition? Going away on my birthday feels like a fine tradition even though I have only done it once. But anyways… I didn’t do it this year… Too expensive, I just stayed home. Just basically doing things I would normally do. My friends often want to "do something". I know it’s a silly thing to complain about, "Oh no, you have people that love you, boo hoo". But… why do something special? Like a normal day with friends, a meal, a few drinks… any time it happens it’s good. Why not just do that.

"Doing Something" creates a level of expectation, I’ve found the thing that kills most experiences for me is expectation. High expectations have made movies less enjoyable, it’s made meals taste bad, and it’s made birthdays shit. Oh god. I just remembered something. I think I need to apologise to one of my exes. She’s literally one of the nicest, most generous people and she tried to create the most amazing birthday for me and I was a miserable shit as is (was?) tradition for my birthday. That word again… tradition. Being a miserable piece of shit is way more of a tradition than going away as it is (was?) since it happened every year.

I was forced into having a birthday party once. I invited all of my closest friends. It was a fucking nightmare. 5 different groups of people that never met, sat round a long table, none of the groups even tried to speak to anyone outside their group. I barely spoke to any of them trying to make sure everyone was happy and I used my entire social battery by the end of the evening. I don’t think I will do that ever again.

Anyways… in these last few years I’ve had a few birthday’s that I’ve enjoyed. I can think of maybe three now and, other than the travelling, they have all just been things I normally do with the people I normally do them with.

Also! Thank you to the handful of people that follow and like on instagram! Thank you to the people on reddit who are upvoting my comics! It’s nice to know that people are enjoying it even if it’s just a handful of you.