It sure is hot out there! I guess to those in the southern hemisphere not so much. So to clarify, It sure hot out there in the northern hemisphere and near the equator and near fires, lava, on stoves, inside ovens, potentially other places too.

Anyways... I’m not really a fan of today’s comic. It seemed funnier as a script and in my head. I don’t think I captured the idea that SP was walking around hallucinating due to the heat. It’s also difficult being lazy. The final panel should be a lot more manic and SP should be in the middle of an intersection. In my head I pictured that iconic crossroads in Tokyo that they use in all the movies and anime. But then I am also lazy and I’d have to draw all that detail and I don’t quite have the time to do that level. I am also getting a bit "bored" with greyscale. I really liked it before, but every time I add a pastel colour as the background to see what I’ve coloured and what I haven’t, it brings the comic to life so much more for me. Also there was a moment during colouring one of the previous comics when Hat Snail had a pink hat that I really liked.

The whole point of this comic is for me is one, to see what I can do if I take it seriously, and b, to enjoy it while doing it, and another point, I am doing it for myself. Did I just change my list from numbers to letters? Yes, not intentionally initially, but I left it in deliberately because there are no rules, in life but more specifically in the context of this blog post, this comic. And I have to try remember that. I bring that up because I’ve reserved the use of colour for alternate realities. For example thought, or imagining, or flashbacks or television, etc. I just liked the concept that imagination can be more interesting and compelling than real life. I‘ve just realised why colouring the TV felt a little wrong to me, it didn’t fit somehow, also I didn’t quite stick to this because I got lazy a few times. Anyway.. But now, everytime, I "desaturate", the comic feels dead. Aside: If you’ve not watched any of my timelapses on instagram, I don’t actually colour and desaturate. I use colour in my grey scaling process to highlight what I missed because it can be easy to miss and not colour some of the finer details.

So basically, what I am saying is, I might just start adding more colour to my comics because I want to. NO RULES [FEMALE DOG]!! (Another thing I am thinking about is swearing on here and the comic)

The final point in my list above is also important. (I am doing it for myself). I might elaborate on that in another post.

Also to elaborate on "laziness". It feels like laziness but it’s not. This doesn’t make me any money. I have to do stuff that does make me money. I have to balance my time on the comic vs life. So by lazy I actually mean busy doing other things. If the comic were a full time thing I would have probably rewritten this one and done a compeletly new one but I didn't have time and just had to go with it.

Anyways… it's hot out there. Look after yourselves and have a good week! Thank you for reading!

I don't a post today. I was struggling to put anything to paper. That's not true really. I probably could have done it if I had just sat down and did it but I didn't. But I did want to say again thank you for reading, I appreciate you.

I hope you have a lovely week.

It was my birthday this week. I normally hate and despise my birthday. Last year, I booked a holiday to Portugal to get away from everyone so I didn’t have to do anything for it. This year I did no such thing. I liked that and it’s a good tactic but I didn’t repeat the "tradition" and didn’t do anything this year. If you do something only once can it be a tradition? Going away on my birthday feels like a fine tradition even though I have only done it once. But anyways… I didn’t do it this year… Too expensive, I just stayed home. Just basically doing things I would normally do. My friends often want to "do something". I know it’s a silly thing to complain about, "Oh no, you have people that love you, boo hoo". But… why do something special? Like a normal day with friends, a meal, a few drinks… any time it happens it’s good. Why not just do that.

"Doing Something" creates a level of expectation, I’ve found the thing that kills most experiences for me is expectation. High expectations have made movies less enjoyable, it’s made meals taste bad, and it’s made birthdays shit. Oh god. I just remembered something. I think I need to apologise to one of my exes. She’s literally one of the nicest, most generous people and she tried to create the most amazing birthday for me and I was a miserable shit as is (was?) tradition for my birthday. That word again… tradition. Being a miserable piece of shit is way more of a tradition than going away as it is (was?) since it happened every year.

I was forced into having a birthday party once. I invited all of my closest friends. It was a fucking nightmare. 5 different groups of people that never met, sat round a long table, none of the groups even tried to speak to anyone outside their group. I barely spoke to any of them trying to make sure everyone was happy and I used my entire social battery by the end of the evening. I don’t think I will do that ever again.

Anyways… in these last few years I’ve had a few birthday’s that I’ve enjoyed. I can think of maybe three now and, other than the travelling, they have all just been things I normally do with the people I normally do them with.

Also! Thank you to the handful of people that follow and like on instagram! Thank you to the people on reddit who are upvoting my comics! It’s nice to know that people are enjoying it even if it’s just a handful of you. 

I'm only semi happy with today's comic. I don't quite a have a design I like for the space panda. I think it’s a bit weird... since space panda it's the comic’s namesake. This comic has improved that slightly? I think? Also I’m not that comfortable drawing the robot emperor anymore. It’s been a while. He is quite a simplistic design, a bit too boxy and plain for my liking. I much prefer all of MP3’s friends than I do him. I guess I will work on that. I also think I need more characters around them. Both of them have nobody to play with. I might need to fix that to make them more compelling to write for them.

I’ve been thinking a lot about some things. I’m currently only working two days a week… which has given me quite a lot of spare thinking time. I would have used more of that time for thinking/reflecting if I weren’t that easily swayed into doing the easy thing… watching TV, playing games, etc. But anyway, I’m not being too hard on myself because that’s part of what this time off was meant for but it does feel like a tiny bit of a waste but I can honestly say I feel good now partly because I’ve done some of the easy thing… but a bit guilty… but good… but guilty.

Back to what I was trying to say… which was what I was thinking about before I started explaining why I was thinking, or why I had the time to think. As if anyone has to explain why they have time to think? Or maybe they do? I don’t really know how other people do things, and if they need to make time to think or if reflection comes naturally to them. I think they make time? Because often I’ve had a full day with zero time to reflect, or process, or day dream (which I find so helpful). Then all of a sudden 12 months have passed… 365 days… a whole year… and I’ve not done any of the thinking, planning or any of the other things I wanted to.

Still off track! I was thinking about imposter syndrome, or maybe a form of it. I feel like I suffer from a whole myriad of issues… or symptoms at least, so I am not sure in which area this question, or answer lies. I have an answer, but I don’t know what issue the answer addresses… but it addresses something. At its root it might be addressing anxiety, but I am not sure.

I am trying to frame my advice to myself, in general terms so that if you have the same issue, you can apply it to yourself but I am struggling to do that. I guess part of what I am addressing is imposter syndrome with a side of a lack of self worth? Which is possibly the same thing?

I think I’ve figured out how to communicate it and sell my thoughts.

Maybe you don't believe in yourself. Maybe you don't think you can do something. Maybe you're struggling to achieve certain goals. Maybe, at your worst, you think you're worthless.

None of these things are true. Let me explain why.

Can you think of people you believe in? Maybe you believe in your parents. Maybe you believe in your brother or your sister-in-law or some other people. Maybe you admire some friends or a partner, maybe you believe in them. Maybe you think they're good people. Maybe you think they have self-worth, maybe you think they're amazing at their job. Maybe you think they've got amazing kindness and altruism… or some other qualities you admire. So, you have this support base and you think all of these amazing things about these people around you?

You must know (and you do know [talking to myself here]) that all these people think that you are capable and believe in you the same way you believe in them. So why can't you believe in yourself to the same extent as they believe in you? Have you seen yourself through their eyes? If you did, you would see that you are good at your job, that you are an amazing friend, that you're good with children, that you're kind and loving, that you’re funny and smart. If you did look at yourself through their eyes you’d know that all of these things are true. So… why do you believe the opposite? And… since you fully believe in the amazingness of your friends and you know for a fact that they have the same or similar doubts about themselves as you do about yourself, that proves that you have some form of mental dysmorphia and that your self beliefs are not reflective of the truth.

Anyway, after thinking about some things for a bit, that is the conclusion I came to. I’ve never really liked relying on others and I don’t think anyone should care about what other people think about them… buuut I found thinking about it this way to be quite a helpful perspective, and it provides me with a good reference point. Being as independent as I am in my personality (pronounced as hermit), can mean a lack of a reference point which can often be a positive but it does have its tradeoffs.

I also fully acknowledge that I am lucky to have this amazing support base to allow me to think it through in this way.

Thank you support base!